We get out of life what we put in. You can do, be or have anything you want, however you must take certain actions in order to achieve it. You would not expect to be fit unless you trained your body. You would not expect to be rich unless you invested in your financial education. Everything you want can be achieved, so why then do so many self sabotage, or worse, feel so miserable when they finally get what they thought they wanted?
When people say they want more joy, I always ask, what mindset training have you done to achieve it? Happiness is possible for everyone, however you must train your mind in order to create it. Often people simply expect it to "just happen", however that's simply not how our world operates. We've been taught that if we jump through certain hoops (whether that's buy the right car or house, get the right career, find the right partner etc), then we will be happy. But why then, do millions of people follow this logic only to end up more miserable than before they started?
As my previous posts have illustrated, it's in the best interest of the elite that you remain in a constant state of stress, fear and even depression. This often urges you to make choices that do not serve you, including eating poor foods (often choosing fast "food," companies owned by the elite), which will lead to disease, which will cause you become part of a sickness industry that has profits in the trillions year on year (owned by the same elite companies - see Corrupt part 2 for more information). We are falsely taught that if you get the right education/house/car/career/money/relationships, then you will feel joy and happiness. The sad truth is that many of us have done exactly this, only to find we are as devoid of joy as we were when we started. Not only that, we have spent a lot of time and money achieving the very things we were promised to give us that joy and the result is often a state of hopelessness. It is the exact reason we are seeing brilliant actors, artists and musicians reaching the peak of their career only to commit suicide. Achieving the peak, without learning how to cultivate joy first, is a deadly game. It makes people realise that they don't feel joy (in the form of love, fulfilment, purpose etc) that they expected, no matter how successful they become. In this state, it is easy to fall into depression and a sense of hopelessness. But it doesn't have to be this way.
After 8 years at University, achieving a double degree, Honours and Masters, I was highly successful in my career. I rose to the top within 6 months of graduating, I was on excellent money and on all accounts I should have been happy. And yet, I was ill, depressed and hopeless. My story is not unusual, it's sadly "the norm". The unusual part is that after rising to the top only to find myself at the bottom, I decided to do something about it. Having received my "sledgehammer moment" through my deteriorated health, I was left with only two options. One, keep doing what I was doing and continue to deteriorate, or two, try something new. I had been conditioned from birth that the medical industry was "right" and was set up to help us. I spend 8 years at University mastering (literally) this logic and teaching this to others. I had spend years practicing and teaching others about this system of "healthcare" and yet ironically I was on deaths door. Deciding to leave the medical industry from both a professional standpoint and also as a patient, was the scariest decision of my life. It was unknown and more so, I had been indoctrinate to believe it was the "only option". Being headstrong, I did leave and as most of my readers know, I healed 10 years of chronic disease in only 8 months. But that is where the story begins, not ends. I went on to specialise in the mind because I finally understood that a life without joy, regardless of how rich, healthy or anything else, is a life I did not want to live. I've seen it time and time again. People build big businesses, loose weight, find that "special someone", move countries, get their dream house (and the list goes on!) and yet they feel unfulfilled and purposeless. You might have some personal experience that resonates with this. Doing something you were expected to do, achieving it and then feeling that unfulfilled emptiness once again. This is common, yet, as I said before, it doesn't have to be this way.
When I ask people, "do you deserve to feel good?" I don't mean, "are you worthy of feeling good?" I know that every human is worthy of feeling good. More importantly, every human has the capacity to feel good, however not every human has done the work to allow themselves to feel good. So, what's the work?
What you focus on grows. It's a simple concept, however one that most people don't fully understand. If you live a life where you are constantly angry, sad, fearful, stressed or depressed, then you have focused on things that remind you to feel this way. The brain is wired in a way to automate what is practiced. This is an exceptional gift, yet many use it to self-harm. When you do a task that requires a lot of concentration, the brain will assess how important this task is to learn. If you constantly do the same task, you effectively teach the brain that this is important to you, and so it will make it automatic. This is extremely beneficial and we are continually retraining the brain to learn new things, even if we aren't aware of it. We did this when we learnt to walk. If you watch a baby, the amount of concentration it takes to simply stay upright, then to figure out what muscles need to be switched on and off in order to move one foot in front of the other without losing balance. The effort is obvious. We watch as this little one falls time and time again. Yet we do not doubt that they will learn this skill. In fact, once they master it, often this skill is utilised everyday for the rest of their life. I'd say that was worth the effort. It's the same when we learnt to drive. At first the amount of effort it takes to pay attention to your speed, gears, the pedestrians, the other cars, is all very overwhelming. Yet, with constant repetition, we often master it. For the rest of our lives we drive with such ease because our brains have recognised that you want this skill automated so you can use your consciousness to think of other things. When it comes to our emotional response it's exactly the same. We have learnt, whether it's from our parents, teachers, the media etc, that it's appropriate to react in a certain way to certain stimuli. If you come from a violent family, then perhaps you have been conditioned to feel fear and act in a submissive way. If you come from a loving family maybe you have been conditioned to feel love and act in a kind way. We know that we are prone to certain emotions, we call it our "personality," however what we are really saying is that we have been conditioned to automate this response, be it anger, sadness, joy, kindness or fear. Whatever your conditioning, it's not right or wrong. You are where you are and that is perfect. What's more important is knowing where you would prefer to be. I was conditioned to come from a place of anger. My family were very loving, yet in order to get my point across, I learnt very early on that when I was angry and could inspire fear in others, I could often achieve what I wanted from them. The consequence was that I was very ill. I had a heart condition and stress response that would make me very ill when I would get so worked up and angry. I had practiced this emotional pathway so much that it was an immediate and automatic response to almost anything, even little things could make me spiral into a wild person. When you take a look at yourself, you will know what you have conditioned yourself to feel most often. You get those who were like me, simply get angry over anything. Others burst into tears, others might laugh all the time. What have you automated for yourself?
That is step one. Becoming self aware. When I was angry, it felt powerful, however step two is to acknowledge whether this automation serves you best. It will serve you, however whether it's the best automation for you is up to you and you alone to decide. For me, as I said, anger gave me a sense of power. I could manipulate people, I could command respect (or so I thought), I could get what I wanted. But was it the best option for me? Seeing that I had such horrible health conditions that were exacerbated from my constant stress and agitation I decided that it wasn't the best way I could live my life. The fear of change is real and we all feel it's effects. It comes in the form of a voice, that voice that tells you "it's too hard," that voice that gives you all the "valid" excuses of why you should put it off, or why it might not be worth the effort. This is why you have to be clear on your "why." For me, my health deteriorated so much that my "why" was very clear, change or die. Your "why" might be that you want a better, more loving relationship (with your partner, your children, your business colleagues or even yourself), you might want to increase your wealth, your focus might be on improving your health. Whatever it is, it must be very clear because when your mind tried to convince you not to change (and it will!), you must hold this clear vision of why you're doing this work and what you will achieve once you master it.
It only takes a few weeks to reset the brain. We have all experienced that feeling of transition. It is difficult to change a habit in the beginning, however after only a short time, when we have committed, we see results. If you have ever moved something around in your home, you would have felt this odd feeling of rewiring your brain. You will instinctively go to the place that something used to be, only to remember you moved it once you're there. After one or two times doing this, your brain begins to remember the new locations and soon you've updated your brain and the "new" begins to feel normal. This is the same with your emotions. If you have decided that where you are is not the best place to serve you, now you have to make new brain connections to feel the emotions that you would prefer. If you have triggers that often lead you to feel stressed, you're able to rewire your brain to make these things feel manageable. With enough training, you can even make these things feel exciting. If you live in a world of stress, this might seem like a fairy tale or fantasy, however having done this myself, it's not only possible, it's inevitable when you have the right tools. The first thing you must do is to decide on your "why". I keep going on about your "why" because it is the single, most important success factor. Those with no clear vision of why you want to make changes will always find a way to self sabotage. This is why most people fail when they start a diet. They simply don't have a good enough reason that will make them want to commit when the voice in your head screams, "just give up!" This is your first step. With a clear "why," you will find a way to achieve it. The second step is the easy part, it's "how". There's a lot of free information out there that will show you the "how". There's a "how" for everything. All you need to do is find someone who's done what you want and copy them. There's those that have succeeded in becoming famous actors, making millions in business, finding the perfect partner and healing their bodies. There's enough examples of how to do and have whatever you want. Simply seek the information and do what they have done.
It sounds so simple, doesn't it, and yet we all know it's not always that easy. When we want to achieve something, and we know what we should do, why then do we sometimes choose not to do those things? We call it procrastination, self sabotage and some people even call it laziness, however this is not really true. There's something deeper at play. The most important thing I've come to discover is that sometimes we simply need to be held accountable in order to act on the things we know will benefit us. This is why I advocate coaching. I obviously help people by coaching mindset, offering tools and techniques that people can implement to help them feel centred and make better decisions that will benefit themselves. However, I advocate it for any area you wish to develop. Why struggle to find the best way to do something, reinventing the wheel, when someone before you has done all the work. Let them make the mistakes, take the hard way and find the shortcuts. Then, let them teach you how to do it better, faster and with a proven strategy! I have had many coaches before in my life, and still have! When I wanted to get better at healing, back when I started my health journey, I was mentored by an amazing woman that I witnessed help people heal from horrific illness. When I wanted to start my business, I invested in a business coach. When I want to do property investing, I went to an expert who has a portfolio that I wanted to aspire to. I advocate coaching! But don't just throw your money at just anyone - vet these people! Make sure they DO what they teach. I would never go to a fat personal trainer, or a sick doctor. I would never take financial advice from someone who doesn't have at least a million dollars of wealth. I would never take mindset coaching from someone who is angry, bitter or constantly depressed. I would seek out the person that has what I want to achieve. What a coach gives you that is even more important than the "know how", is the accountability. To have someone who will come to you and say, "how did you go this week?" is of paramount importance. How many times have you had all the best intentions and immediately found a way to talk yourself out of it with an excuse (and such a valid excuse at that!)? I'm guilty of this at times. That's why I have invested in my own coaches. I also have a loving partner that I share my goals with and who helps me stay accountable. What's more, I have routines that keep me habited to success (I'll do a post on some really effective routines soon as they are very important, easy to set up and will give you massive success with minimum effort).
Did you want to DO something, rather than simply read something? That's the only difference with those that achieve and those that don't, it's the choices they make about the actions they take. Let's recap the steps outlined here that can make all the difference to your life.
Action Plan For Success
1) Introspective assessment - what is my automatic emotional response?
Do you often find that most "triggers" (intense situations that cause stress responses) make you feel angry/sad/curious/excited/laugh/kind/fearful etc? What emotion do you often default to?
2) Does this default emotional response serve you best?
All responses serve you in one way or another. The question is if it serves you as well as another response. If you find that your "go to" emotion is not the best for you, then there are two things you can do to retrain your brain. Firstly, identify how this response DOES serve you. In what ways does it help you? If you are fearful and submissive and you feel like this doesn't serve you best right now, you might be able to identify that this behaviour did serve you as a child when you were vulnerable and weaker. That's a good thing, the body automatically protected you. Now, you might decide that as an adult, it no longer serves you. So, you can thank it for its service to you as a child and prepare to let it go. The second step is to decide what you want to replace it to. For me, I wanted to replace the anger with laughter. Seems like a big leap, right? It was actually and I would probably recommend to my clients not to take such a step. Maybe choose something like calm or contentment instead, but I was always a hot head that needed to push myself, so I wanted to change all the reactions where I would feel intense anger and teach myself to genuinely laugh and find the funny side of things. I've always been a bit of a comedian, so this actually ended up being the logical step for myself. I acknowledged that anger did make me manipulate people and fear them into doing what I wanted, which served me because I was fearful people would ignore me if I wasn't so aggressive. I had to ask myself, what other way could you influence people that would serve you (and them) better. I decided that I could be genuine and authentic and loving, through comedy and rather than manipulate with fear, I could influence in a loving way through mutual respect. I was scared because I had no evidence that this would work or that I would be listened to. Remember that I was very successful, very young, so I thought I might come off as stupid and be ignored by my staff or patients and not taken seriously in business. That's the "inner voice" talking, that voice that will tell you why it won't work. I followed my Master Mind techniques and pushed through the doubt and fear. The reward for my effort is that I not only get what I want from life, I help others do the same. What's more, I'm now a joyful person, I create joy in my own life and in those I serve. What emotional response are you wanting to change and what would you want to change it to?
3) Find your "why"
This is the single most important thing to do before you do any of the work to change your emotional responses (or to achieve anything that you want in life). We've discussed this in length so I'll leave it at that.
4) Find the "how"
There are courses, coaches, programs, podcasts, books, mentors, teachers, blogs and journals, most of which are free or require a very affordable investment. There's a magical thing now that's called "the internet," use it.
5) Get a coach
If you're serious about your goal, you will achieve it. However, why struggle to figure out how to do everything the hard way. Get a good coach and you will find that with a small investment in money, you will save something that is priceless - your time. I can not stress how important a coach will be for your success. You don't have forever, you only have a lifetime. I know that I have goals I want to achieve by the time I'm 40, so rather than spend 10-20 years learning new things, I get coached by those that have already done exactly that. Then, I take what they teach, replicate it and get the same success that took them a decade to learn in only a year or two. That's why they charge money. It's not for the information, it's for the decade they took mastering the tools. There are coaches for everything and as I said before, make sure they practice what they preach! If you want to get fit, get a personal trainer that is fit. If you want to get healthy, make sure your coach is healthy. If you want to get rich, get advice from someone with true wealth. It's intuitive for a reason!
Master Mind Program
On that note (self-less plug), if you are looking to find coaching for mindset so you can stop getting in your own way, then feel free to join my Master Mind Program. I do a 6 week, online program and I only do these a few times a year. The next one starts on Sat, 5 March 22, so it gives you the perfect excuse to invest in yourself to make this year different, one that you truly enjoy living. I'm the best in the business because... I'm bias. On a serious note, I've done the work. I've healed my body from "irreversible disease." I've reinvented my career, successfully, several times. I've created amazing relationships with my family, finding the love of my life, creating an amazing tribe of friends and falling in love with myself. I've master the mind so I can create what I want in life. I teach others how to master their mind so they can create what they want. I will never tell you what you should want (that is for you alone to decide), however I'll teach you how to effectively use your mind to help you achieve it.
My Master Mind Program is for people who find themselves:
Beating up on yourself often
Procrastinating and self-sabotaging
Feeling constantly stressed or run down
Feeling stuck in life and know they have more to live
What you get:
Learn multiple tools to help control stress and refocus the mind in order to become more effective and achieve more of what you want
45 minute zoom sessions, every Saturday 8-9 am, making it easy to fit into your busy schedule
Practical weekly action plans to help integrate what we learn into your day so you can start achieving results immediately
You'll be fully supported ensuring you keep on track and held accountable to help you achieve your goals faster
Learn with like-minded people in order to enhance your support network and allow for helpful collaboration
You will have full access to session notes, as well as recorded session videos, so you can remind yourself what we've covered anytime
6) DO THE WORK
When you learn what to do, actually do it! If you don't get a coach, then that's okay. But then YOU must keep yourself committed to achieving your goals. How are you going to do this? Make a plan and stick to it! Those that fail often admit that it's not because they don't know what to do to succeed, it's that they don't do the actions that they know they should do in order to succeed. Why? I believe it's because they don't have a good enough "why" and that they don't have a good enough plan. Little changes can make HUGE success. Pick one thing to change at a time and commit to it for even 2 weeks. Then assess, how did it benefit your life? Do you want to stick with it? If it didn't work, then change it. If it worked, then add to it.
If you found this post helpful, please let me know. Also, let me know of any topic you want me to cover in future. I hope that if you did find it useful, then you actually go away and DO what you learnt. That's the only thing that will make any difference.
As always, sending you lots of love,