So many people struggle with the concept of self-love. What does it mean? Why is it important? How do I develop it and improve it? In the most simplistic of ways, self-love is basically how you talk to and feel about yourself. The thoughts you think about yourself will either build you up or tear you down. You can inspire, shame, encourage or berate yourself and the results will sit somewhere between extraordinary success or overwhelming depression. The most important thing to know is that it is 100% within your control how you choose to think about yourself. I'm not going to spend too much time trying to convince you why you should love yourself. If the fact that it will just make you feel better doesn’t inspire you enough, then I don’t know what will! I'm more interested in the “how” for those who know they could love themselves better and just don’t know where to begin. So I thought I would list the three reasons why I think you're perfect in the hopes that it inspires you to develop a more self love. For those that want to develop this deeper, then you can always organise an Energy Guiding session with me to get your mindset onto a more loving track.
1). You are worth loving!
You were born unique. There has never been or ever will be another person like you. You have talents, thoughts and abilities that nobody on earth has ever had before and the world has been waiting since it's conception for you to shine your magnificence onto it. You make the world different and therefore, you make the world better and more interesting. Even if what you think, believe or act like is not what I would prefer for my own life, having you there, as an example of another way to live, is a blessing. We have more examples available to us, to role-model and learn off, because of you and that is the best gift you give to the world, simply by existing!
I have had the unbelievable privilege to travel all over the world and witness different cultures, languages, accents and beliefs that people have around the globe. It is so common that people fear what they don’t understand and I find that the more people travel and actually get to know others from different parts of the world, the more they realise that we are all wanting the same things. We want to be loved, to be worthy, to feel wanted and to be happy. Fear can hold us away from these things, however love draws them to us. And the best way to feel loved is from the inside out. When you find the way to love yourself you are more likely to love another.
For my own self love journey, an exercise that I began with was the rampage of appreciation for my body, mind and soul. Everyday, before I would go to bed, I would write down three things I loved about myself. Now this may sound silly to those who practice self-love often, but when I first started doing this, I would struggle to find even three things! Every time I would try I would end up flowing through a million things I didn’t like about myself before I reached one thing that I did. How horrible that felt! Night after night I would persist, I would fight the frustration and the tears that would sometimes come out when I couldn’t think of anything, or if I had repeated the same three things every night for a week straight. Something that I always coach is not to try too hard, you will get it with practice, and do not beat yourself up if it doesn't happen straight away. It's okay if you feel feelings of frustration, anger even hate and judgment; it just shows you how important this is to keep doing. Keep reminding yourself that this will be get easier with practice, like everything, and that one day this will be an easy, empowering habit. You will be flowing through a million things that you love about yourself before you can find one thing that you don’t very soon. How do I know? I've done the work and I have received the amazing benefits of it. Now I look in the mirror and do it, naked every night and ever morning. I thank my sexy body for being healthy, I thank my mind for being so loving and encouraging me. I thank my lungs for breathing every moment every day and my heart for beating so strong and delivering all the wonderful nutrients to all my cells. I thank my soul for being here in this physical world and allowing me to experience all the wonders of life, like love, excitement, fun, laughter, pleasure and connection. I thank and thank and thank and I leave the house everyday buzzing with energy and love for myself and for everyone in this world. At night I run through my day and thank you thank you thank you to myself, first and foremost. Then I thank my beautiful friends and family for being there and loving me, for making my life so fun and filling my world with laughter. I thank my job for providing me with abundance and for the ability to share love and joy into the world. I thank my amazing car for driving me around all day, I thank my bed for being so warm and comfortable. I thank the plumbing and electricity for providing me with absolute luxury that even kings and queens didn’t have only 100 years ago! The list goes on and on until I close my eyes and feel so full of love, which is what I immerse myself with as I drift off to sleep. I can do all this with so much ease, it is almost an automatic habit now. And remember, I started by simply writing down three things each day that I loved about myself each night.
2). Mirror, mirror on the wall, you are the most extraordinary one of all!
If you see what you don’t like in your world, then please make sure you are also focusing on and seeing all the things that you DO like in your world too. Your world is a mirror, clock (aka take note) each time you find yourself negatively judging another. This will give you an indication of how many times you negatively judge yourself. Also clock all the times you think positively about another. Now compare which one you do more often. When I first started my conscious personal growth journey I would be 90% critical and 10% positive. It was therefore no coincidence that my inner monologue was one of putdowns and self-doubt too. When I began to become conscious of this, I could then practice a more loving thought process. Your thoughts are just habits, repeatedly practiced over and over again until they are automatic. If you have practiced the thoughts of judgement and fear, then that is okay. You are doing what you know how to do with the knowledge you have at the time. Now you can begin to change your automatic thoughts to ones of love, encouragement and inspiration. Not only will you find that you uplift yourself to achieve successes you may have once thought impossible, you will become the shining beacon of encouragement and inspiration to all those around you.
People are mirrors, if there is something you don’t like about someone else then the chances are that it is a thing that you don’t like about yourself. They hold a mirror up to you in order for you to grow and discover parts of you that you may want to shift in order to experience greater self-acceptance and connection. Think about someone that you dislike. What FEELING do they make you feel when they do something or say something that you don’t like? And now, can you honestly look within you and find a time when you may have made someone else FEEL that way before? It may not be in the same exact way, it's the feeling that is similar. If you have perceived that someone else has made you angry, then think of a time that your actions or words may have made someone else angry. If you perceive that someone has made you feel abandoned or hurt, then think of a time that you may have made someone else feel that way also. When we see it like this, then forgiveness may be easier for you to access and it is important to understand that it is a forgiveness FOR YOURSELF. When you see and acknowledge when someone does something and you feel a negative feeling and you find a situation where you may have made someone else feel that way also, then say it out loud, “I forgive myself.” When you know better, you do better. This is true for everyone and it is important to now look at the positive work you are doing to make sure you can help people feel positive rather than negative emotions. This is powerful, for forgiveness releases huge energetic blocks in the body that, if left untreated will often lead to medical conditions and disease. When you learn the art of true forgiveness, then, in my experience, great healing can occur. Healing mentally, spiritually and also physically.
3).You have 100% control of how you feel!
Take full responsibility for how you feel.
It can be helpful to remind yourself that nobody can ever MAKE you feel anything; It’s your choice what meaning you give to a situation. The fact that it “may be true” does not matter, for what is “true” to you may not be true for someone else. There is always another side, another perspective and even if you do not agree with the other person on any level, compassion and empathy can be tools that will help shift your perspective from judgment to understanding. When someone does something that you do not like, then acknowledge that feeling and then set your focus on what you would prefer to FEEL. This is an important distinction. You cannot control another person and if you need another to behaviour in a particular way just so you can feel good then you have given your power away to that person and you are in big trouble. Take your power back by focusing and labelling the feelings. If someone does something and you acknowledge the feeling of frustration, then perhaps you would focus on a preference of feeling “calm” or “peaceful”. The “how” will work itself out without you. In fact, by sometimes getting too specific on the “how” you will restrict the genius that the Universe will create. There are forces at work that will be able to achieve the feeling you want in ways you may never even thought of! If you think you want more abundance, then just feel the feeling of abundance. If you restrict the Universe and say, “I want more money so I want to manifest a job that pays more,” you will be able to do that, however the Universe may simply want to give you the manifesting of a free holiday, or win a new car, or inherit a house…or whatever it was that you wanted to spend that “more abundance” on. The fact is, by limiting the focus to the condition, you cut yourself off from the full manifestation….but you will receive it eventually regardless. When you need another to act a certain way to feel something, then you have cut yourself off. Simply focus on how you would like to feel with that person and it will come in miraculous ways. Try it an see for yourself.
This is a practiced art and can sometimes take a while to achieve. It is difficult to shift your focus when something is happening in your reality that you don’t like. However, it is super important to acknowledge that what ever you focus on will come towards you. So if you hold the situation that you don’t like in your focus, then more of what you don’t like has to come to you. That is the Law of Attraction. To shift your focus takes conscious action. The contrast is a good thing because it allows you to more clearly define what your preference would be. Now hold that preference as your targeted focus. Only go specific if it feels good. Play with the “how,” how would that feel, look like, manifest in your life and then let it go so that you acknowledge that it's not the ONLY outcome that would make you feel the things you desire. When you are focusing on your preference, then you should be feeling good. If you are feeling negative emotion then that is an indication that you are focusing on what you do not like. If you find yourself doing that, then simply consciously remind yourself of your preference and know that in that moment you are bringing more of your preferences to you. It's the art of re-focusing; Focus – Feel – Assess – Refocus. Once you get good at this you will not only be shifting from unwanted to wanted, that’s just step one! For more advanced practitioners, you will be focusing on wanted to even more wanted! It's a fantastic feeling to play with. To look at your reality and love what you have created and then find out what you want even more of and know that you are creating that! More love, more abundance, more fun, more adventure, more opportunity, more clarity, more bliss. It's all for you to create. It makes life a wonderful journey that is full of happiness and joy.
All the bliss you could possibly want is at your disposal. By practicing the tools to achieve conscious creation, consistently, you can begin to live the life you want and you can start today!
Sending you all loads of love as always.
Master Energy Guide - PT for your Soul