Personal Bullshit Artist or Inspirational Coach? Which one do you choose to be for yourself?
Do you like what you see when you look in the mirror? Do you focus on all the little things that irritate you about your body? Are you finding reasons why you’re not good enough and how you should be better? If you do this to yourself then you’re not alone. First of all, the question really is, is this something you enjoy doing to yourself? Does it make you feel good? The answer is a huge “NO,” right?! So how do we change this? Its one thing to look into the mirror and be told to say things like, “you’re beautiful” or “you’re amazing,” however the thing is, if you don’t actually believe this, saying these things just feels phoney and stupid. What we are actually asking to happen is the change our BELIEF systems so that we ACTUALLY believe and thus feel that we are all those loving things. So how do we do this?
Our beliefs are simply a habit of thought that we’ve practiced so long that we believe they are true. They are backed up by our background, what we have observed (aka focused on) and generally downloaded automatically from our biggest role models growing up (this is usually “mum and dad” for most people). So, when we say negative and hurtful things about ourselves that make us feel like shit, we don’t really hate our self, we are only hating a THOUGHT about our self and thoughts can be changed. What great news! What’s even better is that this process is super simple and can be fast! However, it takes conscious commitment. Like any new habit, we must practice what we want to get stronger. If thinking good thoughts about yourself is something you would like to do automatically, then this is something you need to be committed to. You don’t get a six-pack from going to the gym for one day (or one week for that matter)! It takes consistent practice and eventually you will get what you want.
So lets learn how to change this habit of self-critic to greatest personal coach!
Step 1. Pay attention to how you feel! When you beat up on yourself that will make you feel like shit. Recognising this shit feeling allows you to now consciously decide if this is what you want to continue doing to yourself or change it. That’s your power. The power to choose what to focus on, including your thoughts.
Step 2. Change the record! What thoughts have you decided to focus on about yourself? That you’re not thin enough, smart enough, pretty enough? Sure, if you believe this then its true, however is this really what you WANT to believe about yourself? How do these thoughts feel when you focus on them? Rather than make a massive swooping statement that you have a hard time believing, take small steps to choosing a better feeling thought. One trick is to use appreciation. It’s the “gateway feeling.” A feeling that allows you to move up the emotional ladder to even better feelings. So rather than beat up on yourself, practice a “better-feeling thought” of appreciating your body. So, rather than “I’ve got shit thighs, they’re too fat and I’m not sexy enough,” start as simple as, “I’ve got legs that allow me to walk, run, cycle and get around.” Remember that this is not true for everyone, so if its true for you, then appreciate it!
Step 3. Catch the feel-bad thoughts early and CONSCIOUSLY choose a better feeling thought! Don’t let the momentum build the negative, critical thoughts into a torrent that sucks you under. What you focus on grows, including your thighs! Haha I joke, but not really. Where we decide to put our energy gets stronger. If you have self-flagellation thoughts, then feeling shit becomes a habit. If you practice gentler thoughts of appreciation, then appreciating yourself will become your new habit.
Step 4. Practice! Learning something new can be challenging at first, however if you practice you will get better. Look at a child learning to walk, they don’t f all down once and just give up because its uncomfortable. Practice may not make perfect; however, it will dam well get you closer to your goals than never trying at all! Go why not just give it a go? What do you have to lose?
If you recognise the shit feeling that comes up when you talk to yourself like shit, stop the momentum by consciously stopping the focus on feel-bad thoughts and practice a better-feeling thought and soon enough you will begin to fall in love with yourself! After all, you are amazing! Just because you may not believe it yet doesn’t mean its not already true. I believe it and so it actually already exists in some version of reality (mine at the very least). So now its all up to you. What are you going to say to yourself to build yourself up? How can you practice being kind to yourself more often? Make yourself accountable! You’re the most important person in your life. If you can’t learn how to treat yourself well, how could you possibly expect others in the world to do so? Make yourself important to YOU! Make yourself matter to YOU and you will find others will take a note out of your book and begin to treat you better too! It’s a win / win. And if they don’t step up, by the way, you’ll start to feel so dam good about yourself you’ll kick their unloving asses to the curb coz you love yourself way too much to allow ANYONE to treat you less that you deserve for a second longer! YES! You go girl/guy! (just channeling my inner black goddess – whoooo that feels good!).
And, if my now I haven’t managed to convince you to take your “feeling good about yourself” seriously, then perhaps I can try guilt you into it. Remember that the habits of self-deprecation were often downloaded directly off our parents. It doesn’t matter what you say, it’s what you do and your actions will ALWAYS play out based on your inner belief system! That’s why when someone says something and then DOES the exact opposite, we call them a hypocrite and they usually don’t even realise they are doing it! So, its important to BE the inspiring example you can be to those that are automatically downloading from you. Those little eyes are watching everything you do, those little ears hear what you REALLY mean, and those little brains are downloading your belief systems directly into their minds because to them, you are a god/goddess. So, if you’re not going to make some changes simply because you deserve to feel good, then make them for all those little ones who are learning from your example. You can tell them they are amazing till you’re blue in the face, but if YOU look in the mirror and say that “you’re a piece of shit”, then that’s all the little ones really hear, “that THEY are a piece of shit.” Be kind to yourself and teach those that look up to you that it’s a good thing to be kind to yourself.
Some loving affirmations for those not at the “I’m a fucken goddess/god who is perfect exactly as I am!” stage:
· I am good enough. I am pretty enough. I am smart enough. I am strong enough. I am worthy enough. I am worth liking and I am worth loving.
· I am constantly growing and learning new things and that makes me important because as I grow the Universe grows.
· I am allowing myself to feel good right now because I matter to me.
· I appreciate my body for all that it gives me – a beating heart, to let me feel love. Lungs that allow the Universe to breathe me. Eyes to let me adore my loved ones faces. Ears to hear the magic of music. Skin to let me feel the gentle hands of the one I love.
· My mind is always working for me. I am smart enough and even though I may think differently to others, its my differences that are actually my greatest asset. That’s how the Universe expands faster, if we were all the same it would be stagnant and boring. I am unique and I am blessed BECAUSE of that uniqueness.
· I am always connected to the Universe when I feel love and I have a lot of things I love available for me to focus on and feel that love whenever I want. I love the fresh air that I breath every day. I love the fresh water I have constant access to every day. I love the healthy foods available to nurture my body. I love…..(keep going with this until you feel so much love in your heart that it overflows and fills your entire body up. And then know that this is you actually loving yourself – easy right?!)
As always, sending you lots of love,
BSc Mol Bio; Bio Med (Hons); MPharm
Energy Guide- The PT for your soul