Updated: Mar 3, 2019
Is your ego the thing that holds you back or your greatest asset?
The ego can be a powerful and uplifting energy that drives you forward towards your dreams and it can sometimes be a limiting and aggressive energy that sparks conflict and makes moments tense. There is power in the ego and when used properly it can help rather than hinder you. The ego has learnt behaviors, often cemented in your subconscious from your childhood, that it runs and replays in each moment. Some of these may serve you, like a healthy dose of self worth, “I am going to make this marathon because I know I can! I am fricken extraordinary and I can win this thing!!” Talk like this can help inspire you to keep going even when your body is screaming at you to stop. But be aware when your ego may be working against you. If the beliefs you have been feeding it don’t serve you, then your corresponding actions will be off center and can cause a spiral of ill feelings not only in yourself, but to all those around you. You are a powerful being, your energy matters. One common example of ego fueled negativity is road rage. When someone cuts you off in traffic and your anger flares up. What beliefs have you trained your ego to have when that happened that would make you feel anger? Did you tell yourself it was a lack of respect? A lack of awareness of that other driver for you? Does it mean that person doesn’t acknowledge you, think your worthy? Does it all stem from a deep fear or not being worthy or worth respect? Of not being good enough? We all have inner conflicts with our ego and life is a series of different opportunities to grow and discover yourself. We will never stop learning, we will never stop growing. When you see your ego flare up in a way that doesn’t serve you, it doesn’t mean you stuffed up, it means you just acknowledging something you want to change about the habituated beliefs that are driving your behaviors. That’s powerful! That’s growth and that’s what life is all about. When you feel an uncomfortable feeling, that is your ego telling you something that does not serve you. Often the beliefs behind this feeling is “I am wrong,” “ I’m not good enough,” “I’m not worthy,” “I don’t deserve to be happy.” These are false beliefs and they DO NOT SERVE YOU. The only way to change these beliefs is while they are happening. When you feel that surge of uncomfortable feelings, that is the exact time these beliefs are playing in the subconscious. Now is the time to rewrite them! Stop and breathe and consciously rewrite the beliefs. I will write about how to do this more in another blog. If you miss the opportunity, that’s also okay! It’s all practice, especially when we are doing this for the first time. So there are a million opportunities to rewrite this belief even after the event has passed. Let me show you one I just did today.
I had a really great gym session with my sister and my new friend. I went hard and felt amazing! Afterward this man came out of the spin room and complained that we were talking too much to the instructor, the instructor took that negative energy and directly turned around and spewed it straight onto us and passively aggressively “told us off.” It made me feel defensive and super uncomfortable. My ego was screaming at me that “I had done something wrong.” It felt so shit to be told that what I was doing was “wrong”. Particularly because I was in such a loving space, sending everyone good vibes. So it threw me out of flow and off center and I retorted with something like, “well negative people will always find something in life to complain about.” Now, as much as I do believe this, it doesn’t help anyone at that moment and saying it out loud was coming from my ego rather than from my centered state of love. I was upset because I thought, “that man shouldn’t allow what I do to affect how he feels,” and then I realize that is EXACTLY what I was doing now! We can only see mirrors of that which we hate, fear, love or cherish in ourselves in others. Well I laughed at myself and I recognized that the moment has passed and there is now no other way I can handle it. However, I replayed it out again in my more centered state and relived it in a more loving way so my body could feel how it would have gone if I was in flow. The man came out and complained and then the instructor tells us off. I stopped after feeling that uncomfortable feeling and recognize that the man that complained may have wanted to be in silence. Although I know I did nothing to stop him training as hard as he possibly could have, he had a bike, his body was not being held down by me (although, I’m sure that would not have gotten half as many complaints from him haha), he was free to allow my talking to distract him or to actually amp him up! I was saying thinks like, “this next track’s my fav!” And “how are you feeling? Your doing awesome!” And then when the work song came on I buckled down and went harder than I’d ever gone! I’ve been to spin classes where trainers have coached us up during the 1 minute recovery and I’ve gone harder than ever in the working parts! However, it was his choice how to take the environment around him, just like anytime in life. Now I can come from compassion and realize that he did allow himself to be bothered by it. Compassion doesn’t mean you have to agree with that person, it means that you understand. I can understand that if I was in the mood for a quiet space, then it would irritate me if someone kept talking....although I would probably choose to go to a beach and meditate or a park for a run. Regardless, he had allowed his environmental affect him negatively, then spewed his frustration and passive aggressive energy onto the trainer rather than coming to me, and I was right there. So of cause this causes a domino effect of uncentered behavior. Fear breeds fear, love breeds love. When the trainer said to us about how much we were talking, I could have answered on center and stopped the cycle. I could have chosen to say, “I’m so sorry that man talked to you like that. I can understand how frustrated he must have felt when he wanted to be in a quiet place and people were talking. I did make sure that I didn’t talk during the working tracks and also I went harder than I’ve ever gone during the the working parts so I could inspire those around me to go faster and harder. I thought this gym was a place of fun and connection, to work on total physical and metal champion health. I get this through beautiful connections with people that also come here to achieve these goals. Can I ask, are we not ever allowed to talk during any of the gym classes?” This would have at least acknowledged how it would have felt for him to be talked to by that man while also highlighting what the gyms overall function was from my perspective. He may have then been more on centre and instead of passively aggressively telling us off, he may have said something like, “I love that you come here to connect and work on you champion health, I definitely encourage that. Can I just ask perhaps to get you to talk before and after the classes and not during, just to allow others to maintain their focus while they train?” I would have said, “Absolutely, I completely understand. Thanks for letting me know.”
You can feel the difference in any interaction when it is on center compared to when it is off. Which one do you think leaves all parties feeling good? Which one do you think has more potential to fester and destroy other amazing moments like a virus? Every moment will give you the opportunity to respond in a centered or uncentered way, if you feel you reacted badly, don’t worry! Don’t waste a single moment telling yourself off, you have don’t nothing wrong because you acknowledged the moment and you want to do better, that’s success! That alone is growth! And there will be an infinite number of moments coming that will give you new opportunities to respond differently. That’s the fun and beauty of life. So set your intentions for loving, centered interactions and when they come, celebrate, when you miss the mark, learn and grow from them. All is good. And soon you will be the master of a loving and inspiring ego.
As always, I am sending you all lots of love!
Master Energy Guide - PT for your Soul